**A friendly reminder that this is LK.** Also: This post is a mental health rant.
I really don't understand why a therapist would basically give away a standing appointment time. I DO completely understand giving away that time for the day that I had to cancel because I was ill. I gave more than 24 hour notice because I wasn't sure if I'd be better in time and I wasn't.
But that has been my appt time for 5 months now, every single week. It just ticks me off that now I'm thrown off and my therapist has NOTHING this week for me (he was on vacation last week). I have not seen my therapist in 2 weeks, I was already flipping out because I had to wait 2 weeks to see him and now I guess I get to wait at least 3. It almost feels like I'm being punished for being ill. Does this mean that I'm going to be bumped around every single week so they can just fit me in, now?
The last session I've had with him was just me telling him about my assault. I have been alone, freaking out about it by myself since.
FFS when you are dealing with fucking BPD folks, you don't do this to them. (He specializes in us and so most of us are BPD.) You are dealing with time bombs. We either explode or implode and I'm an imploder by nature (typically) so get ready for tonight friends, because unless I'm too sick and asleep super early, we are in for a fucking bumpy ride.
I'm so ragey (also period pains, so super irritated) right now and there is nothing I can actually do about it. (I've tried self soothing, I've tried all the 2 skills I've learnt in DBT so far.)
I'm even more annoyed because of course, I now have the "well I'll show you" attitude. A fucking dangerous attitude to have.
I do have DBT this week, but I'm just so irritated and angry right now that I know I'm just going to be shut the fuck off for it. In fact, I'm worried that this shit is going to fuck up my whole therapy and that I'm going to have at least 2 more weeks of just shut off therapy sessions before anything fucking productive comes of it.
I feel like a goddamned child.
Even staring at Tennant gifs did nothing. :/
(I have no good nickname for this account.)
I just had to get this out of my system.
ETA: still bad night. BLEHHHHHHHHHHH And now I'm just sad, overwhelmed, stressed, pissed, and just urgh. I want all of it to be over.