this is really difficult for me to describe. I have been dealing with OCD, depression and possibly something else for so long that I feel that I have no strong identity.

I don't know who I am.

In school I was a follower. I would try to impress my friends by being as nasty and mean as they were. In the end i was the stooge, the one people laugh at rather than laugh with.

True, I did get some praise for my art and writing, but nowall those things which came easy to me seem impossible. I have no confidence in my work being seen by anyone, so I just don't do it.

I feel just feminine enough to feel that I'm not a real man, but not feminine enough to be close to being a woman. I feel no special pride in my background. I feel empty most of the time, a blank.